This is what I was wearing yesterday. I think it’s a good look. I’m trying to figure out how to wear t-shits without feeling dysphoric and gross. Wearing cute skirts with them helps.
omg buy stuff from my ETSY
Check out my friend’s etsy store! We’re some entrepreneurs over here.
Yeah give Max your money. If I had money to spare I’d buy that Teenage Jesus patch. Also the people i recognize wearing stuff in the photos are all cool humans.
Trans stuff / alienation / personal shit
Just finished folding and stapling a bunch of comix for the stumptown comics fest later today. I don’t have a table but I’ll have a bunch of copies of Odium Comix #3 and Vessa, Queen of the Desert on hand to trade or just give out to folks. I may drop off some copies at Max Clotfelter’s table if he’s still cool with it / has room.
If you are going to that and recognize me say hi! I’ll probably give you free comix.
Today I went and talked to this local organization that helps trans folks get referrals and stuff for hormones, it was pretty cool. Since I have no excess money most of the time doing this will be hard but now I feel like I’m finally actually trying and on the path to finally doing the shit.
Also I’ve been thinking and reading a lot about anarchism lately and I think I’m finally at a point where I can feel comfortable calling myself an anarchist? My politics are pretty ambivalent about a lot of things and I’m still trying to figure a lot of shit out and I don’t have answers to most things but yeah I think anarchy is where I’m at.
Not really a new development I guess as much as it is a formal statement of where I’m at or whatever.
Bought tight as fuck leopard print pajama pants things and some skirts. These photos dont do them justice but whatever. I like them.
Are you woman enough to be my man?
New noisy weird sludgy track I recorded that will probably be on the next Brainlift album.
I’ve been thinking about Kinsey Hope’s idea of being “battlegendered”, and I feel a lot of similar things to what she describes.
Even though I have dysphoria and want my body to be as feminine as I can get it, most of the time I don’t feel comfortable calling myself a woman, it just doesn’t feel right. I’m 100% not a man, but otherwise things are uncertain. Non binary / genderqueer expressions seem more right in some ways, but I’m more binary identified than most folks who seem to feel comfortable in those labels.
Some of the only times I feel more like a woman are times when I’m being told what I am. When I’m denied my femininity, when I’m misgendered in intentional ways, when I’m harassed for not being woman enough, when I’m worrying about street violence, those are the only times I feel more justified in potential womanhood. The struggle kind of defines it, gives it more importance to me.
And it’s such a weird in between place. I know that I want to get as close to “passable” as I can, and I’ll be starting hormones soon and if I could ever actively been seen as a woman by strangers it would be pretty awesome, it feels more right.
So yeah, I dunno. “non binary trans woman” sounds kind of silly but I think it’s where I’m at.
Went to a trans / gender discussion group for the second time, it was cool but the discussions were less interesting than the first one I went to. And I feel like I was coming from a kind of weirder place than most of them.
Also I felt really gross around some of the trans ladies there, the two that were around my age were so goddamn pretty, it made me kind of insecure. I still look like such a fucking dude in comparison to people who have their shit together, and I probably always will, but eh.
I’m not sure if I should be focusing more on getting hrt started or taking care of my facial hair, and I’m too poor for doing both at the same time to be a real option. I only barely manage to pay my damn rent and bills most months.